Knowing how to be more confident [ with 3 quick steps ] is the difference between a life of holding yourself back and underachieving and a life of unlimited potential with the midas touch.
And if you have ever felt that nervous shaking and a dry mouth, you would agree that having no confidence is such a hinderance
Now the subject of confidence and how to cure it is an as confusing as confidence itself.
Studies from every angle have stated facts like if you smile you’re sending a message to your brain to be happy. And if you take 3 deep breaths you can extract the position you are in that make you unconfident and the list goes on.
And while the studies and experts say this, let me share with you something you can do, to not just rescue yourself in the moment, but finally stop your confidence issues once and for all.
Believe it or not, when I was younger I was not just shy but actually hated leaving the house. I went to school being bullied for being this way, and my only friend was the books I read
This as my way to escape
Contrast to where I am now, an I have sat in front of 8000 clients for every problem you can imagine.
I can talk in front of 1000s of students at my seminars.
I can talk to strangers and as a matter a fact, from using this technique ( if you want to call it that ) I don’t get embarrassed in situations and I can just enjoy myself.
This confidence trouble was the most important thing I needed to overcome when being trained as a therapist and especially running a business.
I know that having limited confidence stops a lot of entrepreneurs and new therapists from putting 1 foot forward and pursuing their life goals
So… Where would knowing how to be more confident help you in your life?
- Speaking with new customers and persuading them to buy your service?
- Using your therapy skills with even the most difficult of clients?
- Running a business and being confident in your ability?
- Taking calculated business risks that you know will grow your income?
- Taking a stand in your life that you have a vision and want to pursue it?
- Or all of the above ( and more )?
Lack of confidence kills. It kills our dreams. It takes control of our thoughts and can even cripple us where we cannot move.
So in order to know how to be more confident, you must understand this ( and ill keep it plain and simple )
Your confidence issue is an unconscious thing. Meaning its automatic. Its triggered by a situation, an event or a feeling.
And because you can’t shut it off when you want to, this automatic behavior happens without your control and you experience the side effects consciously.
Meaning that you can feel and sense the shaking body, the dry mouth, the clammy hands and the nervous voice
But here is the twist
Why you are not confident is not what you think it is…
Let me explain…
Your confidence issues exist in the unconscious mind ( automatic ). So when you have tried to fix this automatic behavior you have used your conscious thoughts.
As in, you have tied to fix it with a 3 step formula, or by breathing deeper or trying to think positive.
But the bottom line is, what you are unconfident about, and what you think it is, is incorrect.
If you are trying to figure out your own problems consciously you can only guess
Hence why it hangs around. Sure you may bypass it after a minute or so of breathing deeper.
But wouldn’t it just be great to get rid of it once and for all?
You can either cope with it or get rid of it
So how do you get rid of it?
Firstly I suggest that you stop trying to fix it consciously. Meaning if you have been told to try and find the root cause or think of when it first started in order to give it content, stop.
This guessing game only serves to frustrate you because you will never really get to the point of it, and you don’t have to.
As a side note… The more you fail at this or anything in life the better you get at it. So now you will attach failure to the equation, and it gets really messy at that point.
So now the (science) is out of the way I’ll show you what I did.
Here is how to be more confident in 3 EASY steps
I can remember clearly wanting to ask a girl out in high school, and I was for all intense purposes the fat, geeky, awkward kid ( just like you see in this teen movies)
And at the thought of doing it, I felt nauseated, sweaty and unable to think of what to say.
My mind was locked into that voice in my head saying... “Don’t do it, you’re a loser, she will never talk to you”
And because I couldn’t escape it, I had only this choice.
At the time I was reading books on the brain and psychology and noted that the more you concentrate on a negative thought the more you will feel it.
And that’s what was happening, but I also noted that over time the feeling will pass and your regular cognitive functions would come back online. But this could take several minutes.
I didn’t have minutes I had seconds.
So what I did was, talk to myself inside my head.
I told my mind ( if you will ) to hurry up. If it was going to be nervous, just hurry up and finish it because I was going to speak to this girl no matter what.
So I forced it to increase the feeling, and boy was that a bad move.
I felt it in every part of my body, and it was intense, but as it got intense I could actually feel it subsiding as if it was running out of fuel.
Essentially I was peaking the nervousness quickly and it was running out of steam, so I kept forcing it to hurry up.
And within about 45 seconds it was depleted.
Now nearly 2 decades later as a therapist I understand how this works.
When you force yourself to confront what is scary the mind has to adjust. It adjusts to suit a situation that you would normally run from.
As a matter of fact, this is the same philosophy I used with my client’s addictions, phobias, and habits. It’s quick but intense
So if you are having confidence issues ( anxiety or fear; its all the same thing really ) here is what to do
- Stop trying to figure out why its there, guessing only makes it worse
- When you feel it, talk to yourself ( like a game ) and tell your mind to increase it quickly, and keep taunting it to hurry up
- Wait for the peak and keep talking, don’t stop
- Get on with your life
By the way, the girl said yes to a date.